Getting a big crowd to a special event is one thing; getting them to church is another.
—Doug Murren and Mike Meeks
I asked one woman who was about to be baptized, “How long have you been coming here to church?”
“Two years,” she said.
“When did you meet the Lord?”
“Two weeks ago.”
I was intrigued. After the service I looked for her and asked, “You have to tell me: Were you here every week for two years, or once a year, or what?”
“I came almost every week.”
“And you just received Christ last week?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to make you feel bad,” I said, “but why did you wait so long?”
“My family started out Christian and kind of broke up. I’ve had three abortions and drug problems. I attended one of the church musicals with a friend, and she brought me to the worship services. I had heard this was a place where I would be loved for who I am. But it took me a while to believe it.”
In 1990s America, unchurched people who come to Christ usually go through a long “preconversion phase.” We find most visitors attend at least four outreach events before they come to one regular service. This preconversion phase may last a year to two and be marked by sporadic attendance.
Why? When unchurched people walk into our building, they’re at a different starting point than the unchurched of fifty years ago. The truly unchurched are thoroughgoing relativists, having taken pluralism to its absurd limit, and cannot perceive how Scripture could be authoritative in their lives.
They need a safe and often long preconversion stage, in which they build confidence in the church, establish the authority of Scripture, and cement relationships. We have to honor that phase. Unchurched people today distrust the church, and they need to come and just watch for a while.
The biggest difference between a church successful in outreach and one that is not is willingness to begin with people, and patience with them during the preconversion phase.
Over the years we have put much prayer, research, and trial and error into helping people overcome the high hurdles between them and the Christian faith.
Focus on bringers-and-includers
Getting unchurched people to an outreach event isn’t all that hard. But getting them to regularly attend a worship service—that’s hard.
At Eastside Church, we sponsor support groups and twelve-step programs, hold a Christian arts and jazz festival, and put on musicals and seasonal events at Christmas and Easter. We have always been able to muster a crowd for such outreach events. But getting someone to a special event is one thing; getting him or her to a church service is another.
The secret is not more paid staff.
A church will fail if it tries to assimilate today’s unchurched person only through events and programs. The effective glue is relationships—friends bringing friends and including them in church life. Research has shown that of ten people who visit a church and stay, nine were brought by a friend.
We invest the bulk of our time and money not in advertising but in helping our people bring and include their friends (rather than evangelism we use the phrase bringing and including).
At least four times a year, we hand out a bringing-and-including packet. It includes training tapes on how to include your friend in a small group or an outreach event (which we call bringer-and-includer services). The packet includes cards to give to friends; each card lists service times and shows a map to church.
We also survey our people: “What would your friends be most disposed to come hear?” Several times a year we use those results to create messages geared toward people without church experience. One sermon series on the family, for example, targeted the unchurched. We assumed hearers were unconvinced about God’s plan for the family, so we explained and illustrated why God’s plan works. In such an outreach sermon, we begin with our culture—the songs of John Lennon or a film of Woody Allen—and work toward the Bible, ending with exposition.
We follow up visitors based on the assumption they have been brought by friends. When visitors make a decision to receive Christ, we’ll say something such as, “If you brought a guest today, and he or she would appreciate assistance in learning more about the Christian life, we encourage you to go together to the reception room. There you can pick up packets geared for those who have just made a decision for Christ. Please consider setting a time this week—perhaps over lunch—to go through the packet together.
“Then, you can do several good things for your friend. First, if you’re not in a small group, join one with them. Our information booth will direct you to a good one. Second, get into our Church 101 class with your friend.” (Often a friend’s conversion becomes the bringer’s first step in full-blown discipleship.)
In the weeks following an outreach event, we make one call to that visitor, but we make three phone calls to the bringer. We ask, “Are there specific issues we can help you with?”
Several years ago we thought about how to make our church less pastor-driven and more lay-driven. It struck us that we encouraged our people to minister, and, as a result, they would often bring a friend to Christ. But then we took the celebration away from them: the pastors, the paid people, did all the baptizing. So we made a decision: “From now on, no pastors baptize. If someone brings a friend to the Lord, he or she gets to baptize that friend.”
Immediately we saw an explosion in the number baptized. Big burly guys would step into the baptistery tank and start crying. Joe the mechanic would tell how his buddy Bob came to one of our musicals and three months later received the Lord.
Other churches may have theological reasons for not doing that, but the point is this: We emphasize the convert’s bond with the body of Christ, not with the professional. The strategic step is to invest in the layperson, viewing pastors as lending assistance and giving tools to the people who are really doing the ministry.
Create a safe place
One man had visited a few outreach events and started attending Saturday night meetings. He realized he was trapped in a homosexual lifestyle and was looking for a way out, but he feared he would be rejected by the church. One day he came up to me after a service and said, “I’m a homosexual. I’ve been attending for several months and been watching your demeanor. I’m persuaded this is a pretty safe place. I want to commit my life to Christ.”
We prayed, and afterward I introduced him to the leaders of our ministry to homosexuals. He joined the program, and three months later he handed me a letter. “The deciding moment in my life for overcoming homosexual desires,” he wrote, “was when I came up to you and told you where I was. After sitting in services for several months, I guessed I would be accepted. When I introduced myself to you, the look in your eye told me I was accepted. I knew you saw a person rather than a gay person. At that moment I knew I was free.”
The unchurched will come back to a church that feels safe. For them, this is the most important ingredient. If they don’t feel safe with you, they will not stay around long enough to hear the truth.
You can do several things to make you and your church feel safe to the unchurched:
Explain what you mean. When we ask the unchurched why they don’t come to church, the number one complaint is they can’t understand what’s going on or what preachers are saying. We try to make no assumptions about what visitors will understand, and we work hard to talk the language of those unfamiliar with church.
Explain why. Postmoderns resist directive-type communication. A sermon that starts off with an authoritative statement about how people ought to behave turns them off. I’ve found it works better to speak persuasively, sometimes taking twice as long to explain a point. “If you believe this, so-and-so occurs; if you believe that, such-and-such happens.”
In other words, people today are more likely to return to a church that explains why. One of our most requested tapes is “How We Got the Bible and Why We Know It’s the Word of God.”
Don’t rush people. I have a friend who is a rabbi. One time I said to him, “Don’t you get nervous hanging around a guy like me—a confessed evangelist who’d love to see you converted?”
He’s an expert on Romans 9–11 and teaches in seminaries. He said, “Oh, no. I’m a gift of God to you. According to my understanding of the New Testament, my job is to give you an opportunity to love. If I’m to be convinced, that’s the Holy Spirit’s job. You’re to love, and the Holy Spirit is to convince.”
That rabbi may understand this process better than we do! People feel safe when we love them and don’t try to force decisions for Christ too soon.
Don’t be surprised by their problems. Unchurched people assume churches don’t want people with sin problems. They assume those who come to church are perfect—or hypocritical enough to act like they are. When your jaw doesn’t drop at their sins, they feel safe. When the pastor is transparent in sermons, it gives seekers permission to have problems.
Give nonthreatening invitations. We don’t give altar calls at church, because many unchurched people have seen them on TV and don’t like them. Still, we always give an invitation at outreach events. Usually we’ll have everyone close his and her eyes and ask those who want to receive Christ to look up at the speaker. We look at all who do and ask a couple of questions, having them nod in response, to make sure they know what they’re doing. We’ll ask, “Were you brought by a friend?” If they nod yes, we ask them to let that person know the decision they made. We pray and then offer a free packet of tapes and Bible studies.
We gently encourage them to go with their friend to the reception room: “We realize many people don’t want to do this right away. So do it next week, when you feel less stunned about everything. We’re interested in your making decisions that are yours, not imposing our wishes on you.”
Not long ago one man in our church brought about thirty-five people from his company to an outreach event and afterward threw a big party at his house. There they talked about what they experienced in an easy, nonthreatening environment. At night’s end, he said, “Come back to church as soon as you can. I think you’ll like it.”
Many of his colleagues have; some have received Christ.
People trained to be bringers-and-includers can get their friends to a church they know is relevant and safe. And sooner or later, a good percentage of those friends will return.
Maybe we’ve been making this harder than it really is.
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